Whom Should I Listen to During Pregnancy: Elders or Doctors?
Blending tradition, science, and self-trust on the journey to motherhood
Pregnancy is a time of incredible transformation. It brings excitement, hope, uncertainty—and an overwhelming flood of advice. From the moment I shared my pregnancy news, I was surrounded by two powerful sources of wisdom: elders and doctors. One offers the voice of lived experience, passed down lovingly through generations. The other speaks through scientific knowledge, medical training, and modern technology.
While both are important in their own ways, they don’t always agree. And so, I found myself asking a question that many expectant mothers face:
Who should I listen to during pregnancy—elders or doctors?
The answer, I discovered, isn’t about choosing one over the other. It’s about finding harmony between tradition and science—blending wisdom with safety, and learning to trust myself along the way.
The Comfort of Elders: Tradition, Experience, and Heart
In many families, especially in close-knit or culturally rich communities, elders are often the first to offer advice. Mothers, grandmothers, aunts, and even neighbours become guides and protectors—sharing what worked for them and their mothers before them.
Some elder advice that I received included:
• “Don’t eat papaya or pineapple—they’re ‘hot’ foods.”
• “Avoid stepping out too much during eclipses.”
• “Rest as much as possible; don’t even lift your arms above your head.”
• “Apply coconut oil and turmeric for glowing skin and smooth delivery.”
There’s deep care behind these words. Elders speak from love and lived experience. Their advice can feel grounding and emotionally supportive, especially for a first-time mother like me. These practices often come with cultural and spiritual significance, reminding me that motherhood is more than biology—it’s a sacred rite of passage.
However, not all traditional practices align with modern health standards. Some suggestions, while meaningful in a historical context, may not be medically sound today.
The Assurance of Doctors: Science, Research, and Safety
Doctors, midwives, and obstetricians approach pregnancy from a clinical and evidence-based perspective. They track the baby’s growth, monitor health, recommend supplements like folic acid and iron, and keep an eye out for conditions such as gestational diabetes or hypertension.
My doctor gave advice like:
• “A moderate amount of pineapple is fine. There’s no need to avoid it.”
• “Prenatal yoga and walking are healthy unless complications exist.”
• “Drink plenty of water and avoid unpasteurized dairy and raw seafood.”
• “Here’s your schedule for scans and tests.”
Medical professionals help manage risks and complications that traditional advice might overlook. Their training allows them to make decisions based on the latest research and each woman’s unique medical history. For example, if a woman is Rh-negative or has a high-risk pregnancy, tailored interventions may be necessary—something tradition alone cannot address.
⚖️ When Advice Clashes: What Should I Do?
One of the hardest parts of pregnancy is navigating conflicting advice.
Here’s what I learned:
Situation Elders Say Doctors Say Best Approach
Papaya/pineapple Avoid—they may cause miscarriage Ripe ones are safe in moderation Listen to your doctor, especially if there’s no allergy or risk
Exercise Avoid movement; rest fully Exercise supports healthy pregnancy Find a middle ground: gentle, safe activity
Sleeping position Sleep flat or on your back Sleep on your left side is best Follow what your body allows, with medical input
Postpartum massage Must be done daily May help, but not necessary Only if you're comfortable and safe
Rather than feeling pressured to follow one voice over the other, I started asking why the advice was being given. When elders told me something, I respectfully asked, “Can you tell me where this came from?” When doctors told me to do something differently, I asked them to explain the science behind it.
That dialogue helped me find clarity and peace.
Trusting Myself: The Missing Piece
The most powerful lesson I learned during pregnancy was this: I am the one carrying this life. I get to choose what feels safe, right, and healthy for me.
Here’s how I found my way through it all:
1. Evaluate the Reason Behind Advice
If it’s based on safety, comfort, or nutrition, I considered it seriously. If it was rooted in superstition without harm, I accepted it as cultural wisdom. If it felt unsafe or uncomfortable, I politely declined or asked for alternatives.
2. Stay Informed, Not Overwhelmed
Reading trusted pregnancy resources helped me understand my body better. But I avoided too much Googling or fear-based content. I leaned on credible sources—and more importantly, I asked my doctor rather than guessing.
3. Respect Both Worlds
I didn’t reject my elders. I thanked them, listened, and decided what worked for me. I followed my parents’ advice blindly sometimes, because it just made them happy. The moment was very positive, happy and soothing which was needed to me the most at that moment. Similarly, I followed every medical instruction with awareness—I asked questions, sought second opinions when needed, and trusted professionals who respected my culture too.
4. Maintain Emotional Peace
When opinions clashed, I reminded myself: this isn’t about proving anyone wrong. It’s about my health and my baby’s health. I set gentle boundaries when I needed space, and reminded myself that stress wasn’t worth it.
Merging the Two Worlds
There doesn’t have to be a war between tradition and science. In fact, the most fulfilling part of my pregnancy journey was when both voices supported each other.
• I drank warm turmeric milk, as my grandmother suggested—but after checking with my doctor.
• I followed my prenatal yoga routine, knowing it was both culturally accepted and medically recommended.
• I avoided foods or practices that made me uncomfortable, even if others disagreed.
• I let my elders pamper me with love and rituals, while letting my doctor monitor my health.
Pregnancy is personal. It’s not just physical—it's emotional, cultural, spiritual, and scientific. The best care comes when we allow both tradition and modern knowledge to walk beside us, not in front of us.
Final Thoughts: You Are the Guide
Whether you choose to listen more to your doctor or your elders, or a blend of both, know this: You are the ultimate decision-maker.
You are growing life inside you. You carry not only your child but also your values, your hopes, your instincts, and your right to choose what feels right. Take what serves you from both worlds, and leave what doesn’t—with gratitude, not guilt.
In the end, your pregnancy is not just about what others say, but how you feel—safe, supported, informed, and confident in your choices.
Because when a woman trusts herself, listens to her body, and surrounds herself with love and knowledge, she becomes the strongest voice of all.
Pregnancy is a time of incredible transformation. It brings excitement, hope, uncertainty—and an overwhelming flood of advice. From the moment I shared my pregnancy news, I was surrounded by two powerful sources of wisdom: elders and doctors. One offers the voice of lived experience, passed down lovingly through generations. The other speaks through scientific knowledge, medical training, and modern technology.
While both are important in their own ways, they don’t always agree. And so, I found myself asking a question that many expectant mothers face:
Who should I listen to during pregnancy—elders or doctors?
The answer, I discovered, isn’t about choosing one over the other. It’s about finding harmony between tradition and science—blending wisdom with safety, and learning to trust myself along the way.
The Comfort of Elders: Tradition, Experience, and Heart
In many families, especially in close-knit or culturally rich communities, elders are often the first to offer advice. Mothers, grandmothers, aunts, and even neighbours become guides and protectors—sharing what worked for them and their mothers before them.
Some elder advice that I received included:
• “Don’t eat papaya or pineapple—they’re ‘hot’ foods.”
• “Avoid stepping out too much during eclipses.”
• “Rest as much as possible; don’t even lift your arms above your head.”
• “Apply coconut oil and turmeric for glowing skin and smooth delivery.”
There’s deep care behind these words. Elders speak from love and lived experience. Their advice can feel grounding and emotionally supportive, especially for a first-time mother like me. These practices often come with cultural and spiritual significance, reminding me that motherhood is more than biology—it’s a sacred rite of passage.
However, not all traditional practices align with modern health standards. Some suggestions, while meaningful in a historical context, may not be medically sound today.
The Assurance of Doctors: Science, Research, and Safety
Doctors, midwives, and obstetricians approach pregnancy from a clinical and evidence-based perspective. They track the baby’s growth, monitor health, recommend supplements like folic acid and iron, and keep an eye out for conditions such as gestational diabetes or hypertension.
My doctor gave advice like:
• “A moderate amount of pineapple is fine. There’s no need to avoid it.”
• “Prenatal yoga and walking are healthy unless complications exist.”
• “Drink plenty of water and avoid unpasteurized dairy and raw seafood.”
• “Here’s your schedule for scans and tests.”
Medical professionals help manage risks and complications that traditional advice might overlook. Their training allows them to make decisions based on the latest research and each woman’s unique medical history. For example, if a woman is Rh-negative or has a high-risk pregnancy, tailored interventions may be necessary—something tradition alone cannot address.
⚖️ When Advice Clashes: What Should I Do?
One of the hardest parts of pregnancy is navigating conflicting advice.
Here’s what I learned:
Situation Elders Say Doctors Say Best Approach
Papaya/pineapple Avoid—they may cause miscarriage Ripe ones are safe in moderation Listen to your doctor, especially if there’s no allergy or risk
Exercise Avoid movement; rest fully Exercise supports healthy pregnancy Find a middle ground: gentle, safe activity
Sleeping position Sleep flat or on your back Sleep on your left side is best Follow what your body allows, with medical input
Postpartum massage Must be done daily May help, but not necessary Only if you're comfortable and safe
Rather than feeling pressured to follow one voice over the other, I started asking why the advice was being given. When elders told me something, I respectfully asked, “Can you tell me where this came from?” When doctors told me to do something differently, I asked them to explain the science behind it.
That dialogue helped me find clarity and peace.
Trusting Myself: The Missing Piece
The most powerful lesson I learned during pregnancy was this: I am the one carrying this life. I get to choose what feels safe, right, and healthy for me.
Here’s how I found my way through it all:
1. Evaluate the Reason Behind Advice
If it’s based on safety, comfort, or nutrition, I considered it seriously. If it was rooted in superstition without harm, I accepted it as cultural wisdom. If it felt unsafe or uncomfortable, I politely declined or asked for alternatives.
2. Stay Informed, Not Overwhelmed
Reading trusted pregnancy resources helped me understand my body better. But I avoided too much Googling or fear-based content. I leaned on credible sources—and more importantly, I asked my doctor rather than guessing.
3. Respect Both Worlds
I didn’t reject my elders. I thanked them, listened, and decided what worked for me. I followed my parents’ advice blindly sometimes, because it just made them happy. The moment was very positive, happy and soothing which was needed to me the most at that moment. Similarly, I followed every medical instruction with awareness—I asked questions, sought second opinions when needed, and trusted professionals who respected my culture too.
4. Maintain Emotional Peace
When opinions clashed, I reminded myself: this isn’t about proving anyone wrong. It’s about my health and my baby’s health. I set gentle boundaries when I needed space, and reminded myself that stress wasn’t worth it.
Merging the Two Worlds
There doesn’t have to be a war between tradition and science. In fact, the most fulfilling part of my pregnancy journey was when both voices supported each other.
• I drank warm turmeric milk, as my grandmother suggested—but after checking with my doctor.
• I followed my prenatal yoga routine, knowing it was both culturally accepted and medically recommended.
• I avoided foods or practices that made me uncomfortable, even if others disagreed.
• I let my elders pamper me with love and rituals, while letting my doctor monitor my health.
Pregnancy is personal. It’s not just physical—it's emotional, cultural, spiritual, and scientific. The best care comes when we allow both tradition and modern knowledge to walk beside us, not in front of us.
Final Thoughts: You Are the Guide
Whether you choose to listen more to your doctor or your elders, or a blend of both, know this: You are the ultimate decision-maker.
You are growing life inside you. You carry not only your child but also your values, your hopes, your instincts, and your right to choose what feels right. Take what serves you from both worlds, and leave what doesn’t—with gratitude, not guilt.
In the end, your pregnancy is not just about what others say, but how you feel—safe, supported, informed, and confident in your choices.
Because when a woman trusts herself, listens to her body, and surrounds herself with love and knowledge, she becomes the strongest voice of all.
Related Question:
Share with us different rituals you followed with or without the scientific knowledge and let us know if that helped!